I've never been one to ask for help.  Even though the people around me have been more than willing to do so, I grew up so used to doing things on my own that it doesn't even occur to me to ask much of the time.  I have learned to be an extremely resourceful person and therefore, I love to share all the things I discover.  Yet rarely do I turn to my family and friends to ask them for their opinion or input on something.  Instead, I take the "I can do it" attitude a bit too far and miss out on the opportunity to bond with them and make them feel useful to me.

This is something I'm working on changing so I can allow myself to rely on others every now and then.  But it's a hard thing to do, placing trust in someone else when you'd much rather just do it yourself.  It's hard to resist the urge to hop online and find the answers I need on my own.  I realize I've missed out on a lot because of this, from time spent getting help on my homework so I wouldn't waste so much time not getting it to relationships that didn't deepen because I didn't open up very much.  It's a slow process to break this instinct to plow through piles of information to get my desired answer, rather than to interrupt a conversation or approach someone to ask them for their wealth of knowledge.

One great thing about my fraternity's mailing list is that we can share with each other all sorts of information and ask for help if needed.  That is one of the few places I've ever reached out to ask for others' opinions, thoughts, or knowledge.  Even then, I much prefer to help out whenever I can and share my experiences and expertise.  I think it's wonderful to have a network like that that I can tap into whenever I want, it's like having friends who never leave you, even if you hardly keep in touch.  I'm more used to maintaining relationships that are far less maintenance than traditional ones, where the closest people to me only talk to me periodically, typically monthly or less.

So, now with a boyfriend who I can't go a day without talking to in one way or another, I'm starting to learn more about maintaining relationships.  Though it's difficult to remain close to people when everyone is moving about all around the world, there are still plenty of ways to stay in touch and remain updated on each others' lives.  I'm also trying to keep track of who is doing what, who is good at what, who likes what, etc. so I can tap into that in future, whether by asking for help or offering an opportunity.  I don't know how quickly I can change an age-old habit of self-sufficiency, but to feel more in touch with people, I'll try to make the effort.  Perhaps getting around to replying to all my facebook wall posts will be the start!

 
 

What a day!  I left for Kollab around 4:30 in the afternoon yesterday and just got back 11 hours later.  It was intense.  From the obscene amount of traffic to get there to getting in early enough for awesome seats (and pit access!), it was quite the adventure.  I even ran into three accidents on the drive down from home (somehow always ending up in the lane where the debris was from the collisions).  Not the best start to the day, but it ended on a very high note.

First, let me explain:  Kollaboration is a sort of concert and talent show all rolled into one, with an after party to boot!  This is their ninth year putting it on in various cities around the country with the mission: Empowerment Through Entertainment.  It's about bringing the Asian community together and promoting the presence of Asian/Pacific Islanders in the media.  Of course, it's not exclusive to only APIs, but it is about awareness and support for the issues surrounding them.  Anyone who believes that APIs deserve to play a larger part in the entertainment field (and really all fields) is more than welcome to come celebrate what has been acheived.

Kollaboration 9 was at the Shrine Auditorium and the after party was held adjacent to it at the Shrine Expo Center.  The night was comprised of seven competitors, six guest performances, five celebrity judges, two freestyle competitions, tons of free giveaways, and a slew of sponsors.  All in the course of three hours.  There were even NINE letters from government officials printed in the program, talking about their support for the show.  (Yes, even Arnie.)

So who all was there?  Well... Kenichi Ebina, Jazmin, Paul Dateh, Kina Grannis, Lilybeth Evardome, Jane Lui, and David Choi competed; BoA, Jo Koy, Kaba Modern, Fanny Pak, Norman Ng, and Team Millennia performed; Printz Board, James Kyson Lee, James Ryu, Welly Yang, and Teddy Zee judged; random volunteers from the audience freestyled; and of course, my lovely AKP brothers and I attended, along with the rest of the sold-out crowd (including Philip Wang, Wesley Chan, MySpace Tom...).

Aren't you jealous?

Well, maybe you aren't.  Maybe you don't really know who these people are.  In fact, the only ones I had known were the Wong Fu guys and Kaba Modern.  David Choi, Kina Grannis, Jane Lui, Jazmin, BoA were very new discoveries that I had just learned about.  Everyone else was new to me.  See, that's the unfortunate situation we are facing (and hopefully eliminating).  How many API performers do you know of?  How many of them are mainstream?  Very, very few.

Jane Lui on the piano, earning her second place.

Kina Grannis at the after party.

Yet, interestingly enough, a lot of popular YouTubers are of some sort of Asian descent.  What happened there?  It seems that having a platform that empowers the individual to make it on their own enables these Asians who are not making it on the big scene to create a following of their own.  Kollaboration is a means of getting those types of artists to the forefront through exposure beyond social media.  Social media is more grassroots whereas Kollaboration is more mainstream.  It can help slowly bridge the gap between online phenomenon and nation-wide star.

As for the rest of the night, there were a lot of entertaining moments throughout, and the performers were great.  David Choi and BoA are really good live and it was wonderful to watch them perform from the pit.  Though it was about six feet deep, I'm really glad I moved there during the intermission so I could see the facial expressions better.  I also had a clear view of the fancy fingerwork that Kaba incorporates into their routine.  My arms did get rather sore and there were times when I started to shake a bit, but it was all worth it in the end.  We were also treated to a sneak preview of another song on BoA's first American album, set to come out next month.

Aww, David Choi was really enjoying himself.

BoA wants to Eat You Up.

When that part of the evening ended, my fraternity brothers and I took a break to get something to eat before heading over to the after party.  I was fortunate enough to come across Philip Wang, Wesley Chan, David Choi, Kina Grannis, and the guy who won the freestyle vocal competition (gosh, what was his name?)*.  And I took pictures with them.  Of course.  ;)  It was sooo exhilarating!  I never run into people that I know from some sort of media outlet.  It's cool to see them in person.

I was catching up with an alum of the fraternity when I came across these people and he took the pictures for me, bemused at my giddiness.  I don't know why I was SO excited (mostly for Phil and David), but it felt awesome.  I have so much respect for them and it's really great to get to meet them in person, even if we just take a picture and I am forgotten.  Phil did ask for my name though when I told him how much I enjoyed his speech at my graduation this summer.  I wouldn't be surprised if he forgot it as soon as he repeated it, but it was a very sweet gesture.

AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!  I heart Wong Fu (too bad Ted's in NYC).  They're so sweet.  :)

Smiles all around.

Maybe this is why I like low-key "stars" - they don't have some sort of upkeep to make them happy and they really appreciate their fans so much more.  I'm not into the big Hollywood stars and I probably would want pictures, but wouldn't care to really interact with them beyond that.  Part of that is because they probably wouldn't give me the light of day anyway, but part of that is because they've got so many fans they're probably used to that whole lifestyle already.  I'd much rather appreciate those who are more real, living like I am, working in less than ideal situations, but nevertheless pursuing their passions.  Not that there aren't A-list stars who do that, but they just don't interest me.

* turns out that guy is Gabe Bondoc, who is also a bit of a YouTube legend himself.  No wonder he won.  :-P

 
 

[originally posted January 11, 2009]

Every quarter, my fraternity (Alpha Kappa Psi), goes on a retreat.  In the fall, I have no idea where we go since I believe I've actually missed those whenever they came up.  In the winter, it's up to Big Bear for a lovely tromp in the snow.  Then in spring, it's off to some beautiful beach house or someplace out in Palm Springs.

This winter's retreat is my first as an alumna - no obligation to stay for whatever period of time or participate in whatever activities.  Just me, my fraternity brothers, and making it whatever I want.  And though there are treasured moments of bonding and fun, I find myself spending much time contemplating by myself and desperately trying to stay connected to the internet long enough to hold a decent conversation with my boyfriend.  Ay.  I didn't even step out into the snow!  Not that I was prepared at all, what with no thick clothes to speak of.

Maybe this whole adjusting to life outside of college thing isn't as hard as I anticipated.  It certainly would be nice to get that job though...  I've been so used to earning income these past couple of years that I don't even know what to do without it.  My bank account is dwindling far too quickly for my comfort.